Steel Magnolias, Barbie, and Other Wise Women – In Celebration of a Complicated Women’s History Month By Bonnie Low-Kramen

The women of the world represent 40% of the employed population and 49.6% of the total population. That makes Women’s History Month an ideal time to acknowledge and honor women with wisdom from other women. After all, no one knows better about how to move forward with confidence, strength, grace, and self-respect.

We are all standing on the shoulders of others who came before us. The benefit of looking at history and understanding where we have been is so that tomorrow is better, experience is our best teacher.

I reached out to women who I admire, respect, and trust for their advice on how to navigate a complicated landscape. Let’s face it. The pandemic wreaked havoc on women, bullying is poisoning too many, and the wage gap is still gaping, to name just three realities.

Thank you to these generous women who allow us to stand on their shoulders. We can learn from their loving fearlessness to look life squarely in the face and tell it like it is.

Olympia Dukakis on the friendship between women

I worked with Oscar winner Olympia Dukakis for 25 years as her Personal Assistant. In that time, I had a front row seat to her process of how she would decide to act in a film – or not.

When she read the script for “Steel Magnolias,” she said yes. Olympia was the last one to be cast so her decision was based partly on the other actresses, and it was partly about the money. But her decision was mostly about the script. She would say, If it ain’t on the page, it ain’t on the stage.

The script was about the friendship of women. Olympia loved that at the beginning of the movie, the women could be seen as the beloved and well worn Southern female stereotypes – preoccupied with gossip, clothes, hair, flowers, and food. But then, the story suddenly takes a serious turn, and it is then that the audience gets to see what these women are truly made of. These women are steel magnolias – beautiful and soft on the outside and tough on the inside.

When the going gets hard, these women rely completely on their unconditional friendship. They run toward the problem, rather than away from it. Olympia believed that this is how all women really can be and, in these friendships, therein lies their collective strength.

One other from Olympia that she said to me and all women: The only people who benefit from women fighting one another are men. Thanks, Olympia.

Emily Dickens on taking charge of your career
Chief of Staff, Head of Public Affairs & Corporate Secretary, SHRM

Concentrate on building competitive skills, nurturing personal and professional relationships, and taking responsibility for your choices outside work, to make you less dependent on others for your success at work. You have the power to choose where to apply your talents. The decision shouldn’t be solely based on financial considerations but should also take into account the organization’s culture. When you feel that your current workplace is toxic, doesn’t see your value, is inflexible, or just no longer works for you then SPEAK WITH YOUR FEET. There’s no point in wasting energy trying to change a situation that won’t work. Pour that energy into you. When you’re a star, your skills and talents will always be welcomed elsewhere.

Kim Scott on agency
Author of Radical Candor and Radical Respect

What do you do when you experience bias, prejudice, or bullying? You have every right to pick your battles. My goal is to help you make an intentional choice about how or if to respond so that you retain your sense of freedom and agency. It’s not your job to educate the person who just harmed you. But you may decide to do the work anyway because you care about them or want to stop them from doing the same thing to someone else. Do the work you choose to do, not the work that others are imposing on you with their problematic attitudes and behaviors.

 

Toni Morrison warned: “The very serious function of racism is distraction. It keeps you from doing your work.”

 

Stacey A. Cozewith, Esq. on being a working mother

My advice to women is not to hide your kids’ pictures or the latest story of what they did and how they got into trouble. Do not think we have to leave our personal stories or photos at the door before coming into the office.

My work product speaks for itself and letting down my guard and inviting others into my life on another level promotes and strengthens our relationships and the respect that I receive from others, including the compensation I command. I should not have a “mommy penalty” on my salary because I have children and neither should you.

When I first began having children, I was keenly aware that I could lose clients or lose work from my more senior partners, if they thought that my focus was on my family – and not dedicated to my firm. This way of thinking stifles our abilities, promotes more stress, and causes animosity. Now, with my oldest being close to 10, I have learned in the last decade, that talking about my children, my husband, myself on a personal level, increases my natural dopamine – it brings a smile to my face, it lets colleagues and clients share in the latest antics and tell me similar situations they have found themselves in, and allows us to connect on a deeper level.

Jennifer Fraser, PhD on empathy
Author of The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health

There has never been a more critical moment for women to harness their hard-wired empathy. Why? Because as neuroscientist Simon Baron-Cohen explains: “Women’s brains are innately wired for empathy, whereas male brains are “predominantly hard-wired for understanding and building systems.”

Succeeding in the workplace of 2024 means optimizing the female brain’s gift of empathy to create a like-minded community that refuses the broken ‘divide and conquer model’ and replaces it with the recognition that we will only survive human selfishness, cruelty, and domination by creating a healthier, more inclusive model. My mantra for the new model is “empathy empowers us to care for one another and unite all in a healthy collective.”

Carol Cozewith on listening to the advice of others
Retired Designer

My advice to my granddaughters and all young women is this. Explore what you enjoy doing and what you are curious about, even if others don’t see it or understand it. Take a summer course, travel to a new place, do an online class to open your mind to new ideas. You never know what other ideas might spark or who you might meet. Don’t let anything stop you from pursuing what matters to you. They will try to tell you ‘what’s best for you.’ That’s about them, not you.

PS Know how to protect your body. Martial arts are a great idea.

 

Barbie on the contradictions of being a woman

The “Barbie” movie has made $1.4 billion so far, in part because of this monologue (excerpt below) delivered by America Ferrara. These are cautionary and true words for all women written by the film’s director Greta Gerwig.

“You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.”

 

Marla K. Rhutasel on mentorship
ARCO, Manager of Administrative Services

Early in my career, I was fortunate to encounter a leader who saw my potential, sharing her vision of who I could become and where I might serve. It altered my viewpoint to have someone in authority whom I deeply respected, encourage me to reach for more. To be successful, we must stop viewing other women as competition and instead be fully engaged in building each other up, providing support, and celebrating successes. No one achieves success alone, and when we lift others through our actions, words, and mindset, we create a ripple effect that multiplies.

Shelly Berman Rubera on learning from experience
Business Strategist

You are either stuck by life’s events or you are propelled by them…your choice. Every experience, especially the negative ones, holds valuable lessons. Maybe it reveals a hidden strength, exposes a limiting belief, or simply shows us what path not to take.

Maggie Olson on being you
CEO Nova Chief of Staff

Be unapologetically, authentically you. Until we stop second-guessing ourselves, our brains will not be fully free. Free to dream, build, and create the business, life, and world we want. For almost two decades, my mind was consumed with what I put into my body. After finding an Intuitive Eating therapist at age 34 and a few years of hard work following, my mental load – and mental model – has completely shifted. I’ve built a business, had a child, and created a beautiful life since tackling what was keeping me from being my most present self. BE YOU and lean in hard: success and fulfillment will follow.

Sharon Summerfield on elevating other women
Wellbeing Coach, Speaker

Look for ways to invest and build relationships with other women.  Acknowledge and celebrate others in meetings and in rooms they may not be part of.  Create space to share, learn, and help to open new doors.

On the good days, come together and celebrate. In challenging times, ask for help. These relationships will make it safe to share and help you navigate forward. These connections offer oxygen of hope and help you realize you are not alone.

Bonnie Low-Kramen on speaking up
Author, mother, and grandmother

Think about all the times you turned out to be RIGHT. The times when you silently predicted how something was going to go down and it did. You knew better than the others around you and you still do. Remember those times to give you gumption when louder voices are telling you no.

Each day is a new opportunity to show up, stand up, and speak up about the things that matter to you. Trust your gut and that voice in your head telling you what feels right and what you know is wrong. Don’t stay silent or complacent or complicit. Insist on being curious to dig further and to not automatically take no for an answer. There will be others who may be louder and sound more confident than you, but don’t let the bluster fool you. Take a breath and take time to think and remember those times.

Pay it forward and teach other women what you have learned. And remember one more thing. For better or worse, your kids are watching, listening, emulating, and imitating you.

What would be your advice to us? Happy Women’s History Month.